Too Much Times
In 2006, my youngest son turned four, marking the end of my first decade of parenting. I truly believed that life was about to get a little easier as the last of my three sons left toddlerhood behind. Instead, within months of that milestone, my sister was diagnosed with ALS, a fatal neurodegenerative disease.
The next three years were overflowing with the needs of my immediate and extended families. Then, in the months leading up to my sister's death in 2010, she asked us to adopt her daughter. My then-niece moved in with us, and we began the adoption process. A few weeks later, in the middle of May's end-of-school mayhem, one of my sons had to undergo surgery. My sister continued to decline that summer; all of our hearts were broken. Then, right before school started again, as summer came to a close, my son suffered a broken leg and dislocated hip playing soccer. My sister passed away a few weeks later.
These painfully overflowing seasons in life are not unique to me or my family. Everyone experiences what I call "Too Much Times,” perfect storms where our most demanding challenges meet our most significant weaknesses and can lead to our lowest moments. Too Much Times are days, weeks, or whole years marked by too many demands, responsibilities, and burdens and not enough internal and external resources to keep all the balls in the air. They often develop in times of sorrow or sickness.
Months like May, September, and December are especially vulnerable, with extra layers of holidays, school events, and transitions (like moving kids to and from college). But no month is immune from the sneaker waves of Too Much Times.
Even happy seasons and occasions can be tainted by them. No matter how hard we try to keep celebrations like weddings, graduations, etc. simple, the extra tasks and gatherings often swamp us. When we are supposed to experience joy and togetherness, we feel increasing exhaustion, irritability, impatience, and even anger.
In the overwhelming years of my sister's battle with ALS, well-meaning souls would sometimes suggest that I "simplify," "prioritize better," or "ask for help." Those are excellent ideas for any season. However, I learned that no amount of simplification or assistance could preserve soul-deep peace with such a full and heavy plate. Despite many family members, friends, and professionals helping, there were still days when I felt utterly overwhelmed and empty, often failing to notice when my health suffered or my spirit wilted.
Sadly, Too Much Times often send emotions on a fast track to the dark side because the busier we are, the harder it is to manage essentials like sleeping and eating. One minute, we are washing the dishes, and the next minute, we are losing it over something trivial.
Plus, it is easy to make mistakes when we move too quickly, as we often do in Too Much Times. The week of my sister's funeral, I accidentally dropped my cell phone into a cup of water. By itself, this would have been a bummer. But it felt more like a catastrophe because I was so deep into a Too Much Time.
Despite our best attempts at creating margins, spiritual rhythms, and support systems, Too Much Times are going to happen. When they do, is it possible to find relief before our health and relationships are negatively affected and our souls are dry?
Human nature tells us to manage Too Much Times by working harder, running faster, and doing more, leaving us more depleted. Paradoxically, the only effective antidote for the venomous bite of Too Much Times is doing the opposite of what we feel compelled to do. Rather than trying harder, relief only comes in pausing.
The kind of pausing I am talking about is more than simply stopping to take a few deep breaths or grab a cup of coffee, mind racing through the never-ending to-do list. It is not the kind of pause where we shore up our inner strength and power through. Instead, it is a pause to put our heads down, remember God, and pray. It is a full stop wherein our minds and spirits re-orient to God. This kind of pause refreshes the soul, clears the mind of lies, and reminds us we are not alone or in charge.
Stopping this way requires intention. It means willing our souls to be still for a moment, even when our hands are full. We fight it because we believe that taking our eyes off the storm for one second might capsize us, but the opposite is true. We capsize when we fail to pause because seeking God's help is the only way to survive a storm with our souls unscathed and faith strengthened.
Most of us already know how to pause in Too Much Times – we practice it every time we stop to scroll through our phones, watch television, or play a video game. Although there is nothing wrong with entertainment, it does not refresh our souls or give us what we need to face the next task or crisis. We think we need an escape, but what we really need is a rescue. God can provide that; the internet cannot.
Jesus modeled such pausing for us, always stopping to recognize and speak to God at the busiest and most fraught moments. Sometimes, He went alone to a quiet place to do it (for me, that was the laundry room when my kids were young). But when circumstances reached a fevered pitch, like on the stormy sea, at the tomb of a dead friend, or while hanging on the cross, Jesus just started talking to God right where He was. We do not have to go somewhere to be with God; He is already with us through the Holy Spirit.
I wish I had learned to pause in my spirit and re-focus on God during my frequent Too Much Times as a young mom. Instead, I often wore myself down to a frazzle, ignoring my body's warnings and snapping at people I loved. It took decades for me to learn how to apply what is so evident in the Bible. But once I did, wow. It is remarkable how powerful it is to turn to God.
I practice pausing all the time now, whether in the car, the grocery store, or an emergency room. Billy Graham’s mother famously read her Bible and prayed at the kitchen sink when her children were young. No matter where I am – whenever I notice that I am feeling frantic and frenzied, I stop my racing thoughts, remember God, and ask for help. Then, the stress of feeling lost and out of control eases. God's strength flows in, bringing peace and assurance to get through another day, another moment.
It is not always possible to predict or eliminate Too Much Times from our lives. But I love knowing that, whenever or however they unfold, I do not have to manage them with human strategies to achieve peace. I do not have to do more or be more. Instead, I only have to willfully remember to ask God for help, because even my most overwhelming Too Much Times are not too much for Him.
If you enjoyed this essay, I invite you to subscribe to my blog. You will receive a newsletter once a month alerting you to new blog posts and sharing other encouraging content. Click here to subscribe. Thank you!