Running on Empty - Revisited
Running on Empty was one of my very first blog posts, written back in 2020. Periodically, I update older essays for relevance, but I ended up re-writing this one, so I am re-posting it.
I could feel it happening again. It was my son's college graduation week, and my to-do list was expanding to unrealistic proportions. I would have to do more and move faster to get it all done. But I was tired; I could feel my energy and patience diminishing by lunchtime each day.
The feeling of being overwhelmed was not new to me; it is a common occurrence in my very full life. But whenever my days becomes more hectic than I anticipated or whole seasons move unexpectedly into overdrive, my reflexive response has always been to work harder. Even when I feel my tank running out of gas, dangerously close to empty, my default reaction is to get out of the car and push.
Friends tell me the same story: doing more seems like the only way forward when demands increase. Checking tasks off our to-do lists makes us feel in control.
Powering forward on our own resources, aka "self-reliance," is ingrained in our DNA and can be a serious problem in Christian life. Although the Bible encourages hard work, caring for others, and managing resources wisely, self-reliance encourages us to trust ourselves to do it all. This strategy quickly leads to an empty tank. We run out of resources to keep going, until eventually, we break down altogether.
Initially, the breakdown may be subtle – like intrusive, negative thoughts or reduced patience. Or it may be more obvious – like struggling to fulfill commitments, developing stress-related health issues, or falling down slippery slopes while searching for comfort. But the worst consequence of running on empty is having less energy to honor God and love others well.
INVISIBLE WEIGHTS
If physical tasks were our only load, human effort might be enough sometimes to manage. In that case, good sleep, proper meals, and exercise could provide adequate fuel to power us without stalling out. But life in this broken world demands more than physical strength. Our tasks also carry invisible, energy-sucking psychological, emotional, and intellectual weights. And the heavier our cargo (i.e., the more people we love), the faster our fuel burns.
We will suffer the consequences of empty tanks until we recognize that depletion is not a signal to try harder. Depletion is a flashing reminder of our soul's rabid hunger for God. It is a cue to return to him for fuel. If we do not receive God's regular provision we might accomplish objectives, but we risk sucking the life out of our relationships and spirits in the process.
OUR HEAVY LOAD
Before my son's graduation, I knew it would be a busy time because, in addition to the festivities, my dad was having surgery. Still, everything felt manageable since I planned well and even left margin. What I could not know was that my son would sustain a serious ankle injury that month and my mom would develop a health issue days after Dad's surgery.
Not only did the unexpected medical issues tax my physical reserves, but I forgot to account for the emotional aspects of entering new seasons and caring for others.
Looking at our calendars, we believe we know what is coming and what resources we need to endure and flourish. But we don’t know. We have limited vision; only God knows what is around each corner and how to fuel us. Without him, we cannot be content in all circumstances. Without his strength, we cannot endure all things with hope or offer our best selves to the world.
AN ALTERNATIVE FUEL
To enjoy graduation week and care for others well despite the unexpected overload, I had to frequently and intentionally return to God to fill me up. Returning to him meant praying and turning away from the powerful temptation of self-reliance. It meant trusting him, not myself, to tackle all the presenting needs with patience and love. It meant humbling myself to admit that, without God, I did not have everything I needed to fill my roles well.
Regularly seeking God to empower and enliven us is essential to wellness in all areas of life. That is why he said we cannot live on bread alone but by every word that proceeds from his mouth. We are not capable of filling ourselves. Even Jesus turned to God regularly throughout his ministry; he did not operate on self-reliance, and neither can we.
God meets our needs one day at a time as we read, pray, meditate on, and live by his words. The more we absorb them, the more we experience God’s mysterious but unmistakable benefits. When life overwhelms us, we only have to return to him to tap into the deep reservoir he offers beyond our shallow tanks.
Why wait until we cannot push ourselves forward another step to refuel? Why not start filling up right now? Instead of trusting ourselves to manage an unknown future, what if we relied on him to keep us from running on empty?
Sadly, the tendency toward self-reliance may be a lifelong battle, but it is worth fighting because pushing a car is exhausting; we will not get far. Relying on and resting in God as our energy source is not only easier, it brings joy to the ride.
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